Chandler Starts First Grade

August 26, 2013: Chandler starts first grade at Neal Elementary, Las Vegas, Nevada!

 It meant he goes to school all day, and needed a lunch box...

And he rides the bus! I couldn't get a good picture of him getting on the bus.  :(

Miscarriage IV: The One I Wasn't Supposed to Write

Wednesday, June 19, 2013 I wrote this:

The next update on my fertility was supposed to be a pregnancy announcement.. it was supposed to be something like, "We're so excited about our next baby, I've been sick and it's been scary, but everything is going great."  This is how it was supposed to happen.

I always assumed 4 kids meant at least one miscarriage.. it made sense statistically, 5 pregnancies, 4 babies. This didn't make loosing my September baby easier, but mentally it made sense.  I was not supposed to be the woman with 2 kids, a miscarriage, another early miscarriage, the blood work, the complications, the sad nurse's faces.... this is not how it was supposed to happen.

On Friday I got a positive home pregnancy test.  It didn't feel right.  On Friday night, the bleeding started.  Today, (Wednesday) it continues.

This has been an entirely different experience than my last loss.  There's not an attachment to the baby.  The pain stems from the set back.  Another month (or more) of waiting for a period, and then starting all over again with trying.  And then there's the fear.  What if I never carry a baby to term again?  What if there is some underlying problem that is causing these miscarriages?  What if there's no more babies for us?  How, how am I every going to feel calm during a pregnancy again?  How am I ever going to be able to walk out of a doctors office without tears in my eyes?

On Saturday the pain was so overwhelming at times that I couldn't breath. 

Things are better now.  I'm anxious to talk to my doctor.  I should hear from him tomorrow when my second round on blood work comes back.

I know this doesn't flow, or (probably) make much sense.  But I wanted to write it down.  I don't know that I will actually be posting this.

We lost that baby.

And yesterday, August 24,  we lost our third baby to miscarriage. (6 weeks, 6 days)

There's really nothing to say.

Sterling's Third Birthday Truck Party

Sterling requested a truck party.  This was Sterling's first real big party with friends and what not.  So fun!!

Life's been a little crazy, so this year, I asked Julie to make the cake for me.. As always, fantastic!!

Happy birthday Sterling friend; we think you're the best.

So My Life..

Goal: Take pictures of the boys..

Result: Get some almost there ones...

Some pretty hilarious pictures of Sterling..

Sterling strangles Chandler...

I threaten to put Sterling into time out if he won't look at the camera..

And we have 2 successful pictures...

And this one.  which is my favorite, because this is so my life right now...

NAILED IT!